Part-Time Reflections

"Nothing costs me dear except care and trouble. I seek only to grow indifferent and relaxed." 

- Michel de Montaigne, Of Vanity

I pinned this quote in my notes app in 2017 after reading Bakewell's fabulous biography of Montaigne How To Live. Growing "indifferent and relaxed" could be read nihilistically, but I choose to imagine the postscript, "... about things that add no value to my life."

Reflecting on these words has helped me cull negative inputs (e.g. news, social channels/topics) and (attempt to) cultivate a zen-like disposition on things outside my influence and control. It's also helped me on the journey to financial independence ("FI"), acting as a vague goal. Surely removing work from one's life yields only positives? 

And that is the topic of these reflections, as I've been away from full-time work for nearly one year now. 

For sure, the pros of my "sabbatical" and now being part-time outweigh the cons by a mile. I am grateful every day. 

I have so much time to be present for my daughter, who is now 3½. We send her to daycare most weekdays (it's enriching for her) and I'm there for every drop-off and pick-up. Robyn and I both work part time and get tons done during daycare hours so we're more present when she's home. The positive change in my daughter's average disposition after a few weeks of me being home all the time was very noticeable. 

Toddler sick days: realistically, how often do dads stay home? And when they do, are they undistracted and unperturbed? If there's an upside to when my daughter gets sick, it's the fact I'm available to support her (and Robyn!) without resentment, vocalized or felt. 

Three is not an easy age. There are meltdowns and I can (and do) lose my patience, and do or say things I regret. This causes me significant guilt; theoretically I have lots of time to be patient. It's a work in progress.

On finances: I think about money much less. Sounds counter-intuitive but I used to check spreadsheets daily (often many times daily), "watching the clock" in a way. I still stay on top of our finances, but with less vigor than before. Do I get worried when the market is volatile? No - see the above Montaigne quote. 

I have had lots of time for projects around the house, short-notice travel, weeknight concerts, and recreation like reading books and playing computer games. I've reclaimed a bit more "self" that sometimes gets lost in the balance. I had nearly 6 full months off to fully disconnect from corporate life before picking up part-time contracts - and I was definitely ready to be productive again! I love solving problems. 

Working part time as a consultant/contractor has been great. I'm with a terrific organization. It is awesome to be able to say "yes" to fun contracts and opportunities and pass on the rest. Consulting forces me to bring my A-game: I have no room for complacency or letting things slide which is all too easy in full time, owner's-team roles. I don't mean that in a slacker sense as I've always been self-driven, but it's simply easier to leave work unfinished when you're paid on salary and not by the hour. In consulting, the incentives are right to deliver. 

The variability of part-time consulting can be tough. I worked 12 hours in January, fewer in February. Mostly this was fine, but I wanted to be more productive, wanted to be challenged. I am still learning how to create and manage a consulting backlog (but I think the New Year is slow for many consultants). On the upside, March and beyond is looking busy too busy. 

One of the biggest downsides to leaving full time work is that my close professional circle has shrunk. While I've worked to keep relationships alive, sporadic contract-based connections are different from collective immersion in projects, lunches and shared purpose.

Lack of shared purpose is the other big downside. This is where I've found exception with my cherished Montaigne quote. "Care and trouble" is very much positive if it stimulates your life. As Nassim Taleb writes, humans are anti-fragile; we need stimulation and challenges to get stronger (physically, mentally, emotionally). It's more fun and fulfilling to care about common goals (whether it's increasing production, completing a project, or stocking the hammer shelf at Home Depot) than it is to a) not have any common goals, or b) be apathetic. 

If Montaigne is my guide, perhaps I need to consider: 

"Now the aim of all solitude, I take it, is the same: to live more at leisure and at one's ease. But people do not always look for the right way. Often they think they have left business, and they have only changed it." 

- Michel de Montaigne, On Solitude

In other words, you can't run away from yourself. Purpose comes from within.